01 August 2006

How To Shi% A Turtle

You probably translated the title one of two ways, Whichever it was, that is what I am going to talk about today. Little did I realize when I began building The Empire, that I would be as involved with shipping as I am. Originally I planned to trade my excess offspring to other breeders and dealers, or sell them at expos. Then I discovered; that many breeders are only looking to sell, dealers' trade offers are a joke, and the majority of potential keepers do not travel the country going to reptile shows. Thus began my involvement with the internet and shipping. Regardless what niche of the hobby you occupy (hobbyist, breeder, or dealer) odds are you will eventually need to send a turtle from one place to another. It is at that point that you have to decide if you will ship it or shit it. The first way takes a little thought and effort. The other way requires a total disregard for the welfare of the animal and an ignorance of the realities of shipping.

SHIPPING

The first thing is to select a proper carrier. This may seem counterintuitive, but without a carrier your package is going nowhere. So, what are your choices?

Air carriers like Delta are only a practical option if you plan on frequently shipping larger boxes. Since 9/11/01 air carriers require that you be a "known shipper" in order to use them. This entails some paperwork and, at least in our case, a visit from a carrier representative to see if the business was what it was claimed to be. Setting up the account took some time, but maybe that has changed. We set up our account when the policy change was new and they have since had time to catch up on their backlog. On the plus side, larger boxes are cheaper to send through Delta than the package carriers and Delta has a room that they put animal shipments in that keeps them out of the temperature extremes of the cargo hanger. The downsides, other than the known shipper business, are that you have to drive to your airport to drop off and the recipient has to drive to their airport to pick up the package and it is only cheaper if you are using a tropical fish box or something even bigger. 

The big three package carriers; DHL, FedEx, and UPS all ship turtles, no matter what you might be told. All three require a little extra work to ship a turtle as opposed to shipping something non-living. With DHL you have to fill out a small animal waiver and with the other two you have to set up special accounts for shipping turtles (FYI - UPS will not ship other reptiles, but FedEx will ship non-venomous ones). These special accounts establish the guidelines for your packing materials and service type to be used (Next Day Air).

Given the fact that most people do not know their job, it is possible for you to walk into many carrier offices and send a package out without an account. It is also possible that you will run into the person that knows the company policy or the one that believes that their company doesn't ship turtles under any circumstances. You could also go the route of some dealers and not mark what is in the box at all. I prefer to be up front in my dealings. When I run into a counter jockey that tells me they don't ship turtles it is nice to be able to show them the letter from one of their corporate offices that says otherwise. And on the rare occasion when something is late or lost, I have found that telling the customer service rep that the package contains a live turtle seems to light a fire under them. Hard to do if you aren't supposed to be shipping a turtle.

So you've selected a carrier, now how to pack? You want to make sure that the package can survive something just short of the opening sequence of Ace Ventura. I approached turtle shipping the same way I did the middle school science project where I had to build a container to allow an egg to survive a fall from a high reach. Only this time I wasn't limited in the materials I could use and to an overall container weight that was less than the egg's. First you have to imagine the forces acting on your package and the turtle inside and figure out how to lessen them.

Have you ever sat on a plane and watched the McDonalds® rejects load the luggage? It is like watching a track and field meet. I have seen the hammer throw, the discus, and the shot put. They just don't have time for niceties. I mean after accepting your luggage in the terminal there is barely time to stub out their joint and rummage through your things to see if there is anything worth stealing before they have to get it all out to the tarmac and launch it onto the plane. While the people working at the package carriers are a bit more professional, the boxes are not shuttled from place to place on a velvet cushion and the main danger your package is going to face is still blunt force. The answers to this are box strength and padding.

You want a box with a high bursting point. You don't want something that is going to crumple if dropped or collapse if a heavy package is set on it. Something with 200 pounds or better rating (this is usually marked on the box). Crumpled newspaper can be used inside the box to surround the turtle which, depending on its size, can be in a deli cup or a cloth bag. Small turtles can go inside a well sealing deli cup with holes punched in it. Punched not poked. Holes poked into the deli can provide sharp surfaces that might cut the turtle. The holes don't need to be very large. Too big and the turtle can get its head or a leg stuck in a hole. If you do not have pre-punched delis you can use a leather or hole punch to make holes. If there is a concern that the deli might pop open then seal it with electrical tape. Larger turtles can go in a cloth snake bag of appropriate thickness. The opening can be closed by tying a knot in it, or by twisting it shut, folding it over and putting a zip tie on it. Inside the deli or cloth bag you can use more padding. In the delis I use sphagnum moss and in the bags I use wadded newspaper or paper towels. In the delis the padding keeps the turtle from from banging around the inside like a BB in a tin can.

Another problem your package is likely to face is temperature extremes. Many of the delivery trucks do not have AC and the warehouses are not heated or cooled to the degree your house is, if they are air conditioned at all. My solutions to this are; insulation, air holes, cold/heat packs, and moisture. Using a Styrofoam insulated box not only protects the box's interior from undergoing rapid temperature changes it also adds to the structural strength of the box. Air holes are a no brainer and lining the inside of the box with a sheet of newspaper allows air into the box without cold air being able to come straight into the box and across the turtle. During the extremes of summer and winter cold and heat packs can be used to keep the outside temperature from having as much of an effect on the inside of the box. I never place heat packs directly against the animals. Ditto for cold packs, plus I wrap them in a sheet of newspaper to slow their heat absorption and resultant thawing. Turtles, especially small ones, are susceptible to dehydration so moistening paper towels and sphagnum help keep the turtle from drying out. More moisture for turtles and less for tortoises. You have to not only consider the temperatures where you are shipping from and to, but also be aware that the package might pass through a different temperature en route.

You will want to mark the outside of the box as well. Such as; "live turtle", "perishable", "this end up", "live harmless reptile" or similar. While I believe that writing "live turtle" and "this end up" on a box gets it a little better treatment from those inclined to care, I am not under the delusion that every employee even looks at what is written on a box, let alone cares what is written. You just do what you can.

Then you want to seal the package with packing tape and send it via the company's version of next day air with delivery by 1030. With later delivery you run the risk of the box sitting in the cold longer (winter) or getting cooked in the midday heat (summer). You want to ship 2nd day delivery or later? Please find a busy road and step into oncoming traffic. If you survive, repeat the procedure in your wheelchair. Repeat as many times as necessary to remove you from the gene pool.

One final note on shipping. If your box is greater than 6X6X6 in dimension it might be charged by dimensional weight and not actual weight. Take the 3 dimensions of your box (if it is bigger than 6X6X6) rounding to the nearest inch and multiply them together to get cubic volume. Now  divide by 194 and round the result up to the next full number. This is your dimensional weight. You will be charged according to the higher weight (dimensional or actual).

SHITTING

I do not recommend this manner, but it seems to be the route that many have chosen to send me turtles.

Grab whatever box is handy. Maybe an old shoe box or the box your booze came in. Keeping dimensional weight in mind you might even consider using one of those matchboxes that the large matches come in. Hey, when it doesn't matter, anything goes. The goal is to keep the cost and effort of shipping to a minimum. Bursting point, what's that? If the box leaves your hands in one piece you've done your job.

Now put some padding in the box, or don't. The turtle can be placed in any container available such as a soiled snake bag containing either a snake-shed and defecation for padding or maybe some fire ants to keep the turtle company on the trip. You might even decide to leave the turtle free in the box. This will give it room to stretch a leg. Plus, during the plane ride or a bumpy van ride it can bounce between opposite sides of the box like a pinball between bumpers. Wheeee! No interior container also works for multiple turtles. Knocking against other scrambling animals in the darkness is not stressful at all and it is not as if frightened animals have been known to lash out at whatever is near. Besides they have shells to absorb impact (heard that one from the master turtle tosser). There is the possibility that your turtle or turtles will work their way out of the box, but again, if they were in the box when you dropped it off then it isn't your problem. And it isn't like anything you do affects the hobby at large.

Next check the weather...wait I forgot I am shitting. Some turtles come from hot places and others from places that get cold, I'm sure they will be fine. Besides, do I look like Al Roker?

Close the box with whatever tape you have. Masking, duct, and scotch all work. If the box pops open during transit that is someone else's problem.

Next, show up at a carrier to hand off the package. If they wont take it because of some stupid policy about meeting minimum requirements and having an account so that they can hold you accountable for the shipment, then go to another carrier until someone takes it. This is America and it shouldn't be too long before you find someone that is oblivious to their company's policies. You might even try the post office. Sure it is illegal, but much cheaper and anyway you consider ignorance of the law, including laws of nature and physics, a defense.

And there you have it. This wasn't an excuse to see how many times I can work profanity into an article, as that would hardly be a challenge for a vulgarian like myself. The point is to Vent about how many turtles I have received dead or had die soon after arrival due to other people's careless shipping practices and to provide tips for those that might have to ship a turtle one day. I could have chosen another word to describe improper shipping, but ship and shit are so perfectly close in spelling and shit is also fitting as I have seen many good turtles turned to shit by people using shitty shipping. Shipping is expensive poor shipping is even more so. So if you give a shit about your turtles you wont send them in a shitty method, or accept shitty shipping from some shithead dealer.